Papa (Real name; Pussy Anus Penis Asshole) is a few things:
1. A family man.
2. A god auctioneer.
3. A friend to animals.
4. A god capturer.
Papa runs Own A God Ltd. A company that hosts auctions that solely sells gods to the highest bidder. Papa isn’t very strong, so when going out to capture gods, he has to go for the less impressive gods, like Snaker, God of Grass or Wowo, Goddess of the 10p Plastic Bags from Tesco. These gods don’t bring a lot of money, which is why he formed The God Squad.
Biography[]
Early Life[]
Papa was born in 1976: Part 2 in the Cool Cathedral to a loving father Minister Sinister and mother Priest Beast. Papa’s family had a tradition that a child will be named after their first words. Papa always felt that he got off lucky, considering his brother is named *crying and vomiting for 40 minutes*
At the age of 10, Papa went to a Catholic Boarding School on the Island of Gods. 99.99% of the students were either gods, demi-gods, semi-gods or dummy-gods. At the school, Papa was relentlessly bullied for being a stupid and gay mortal. And the young gods would play mean-spirited pranks on him, like ripping out his skeleton or absorbing his girlfriend’s life force entirely.
After suffering this for 10 years, Papa grew to despise the very idea of a god. So when he returned home to the Cool Cathedral, he gathered every piece of religious symbolism and shoved them all up his ass. This act enraged his parents so much that they pulled every brick out of the church walls and threw them at Papa, which caused the building to collapse and crush them both.
Sad that his family were dead, Papa wandered the streets for 12 minutes. He bumped into a beautiful maiden, Moo Moo, the pair instantly fell in love and married 12 minutes later.
25 years later, Papa was truly happy, he’d fulfilled his dream of being a family man, having two beautiful children: SLAP! and Colin. But Papa still felt a great hatred burning within him, his contempt for god didn’t subside, even after taking ‘Forget God Pills.’
This inspired him to start his company, and form the God Squad which are still raving successes to this day. He is considered ‘The Happiest Man in the World.’ By a man Papa blackmailed to say it.
The God Squad[]
The God Squad is an elite force of god hunters formed by Papa, these consist of:
Black Sodder - a human who born with three arms, who became so egotistical of having one more than everyone else, went mad with self love, and decided that he had to meet the one true god to thank him for creating him.
Withnail Andi - a man who was coincidentally named after the Paul McGann and Richard E. Grant cult classic, Withnail & I. He can eat chicken psychically to have constant stamina.
Pac Drice - a beautiful, yet pure evil counterpart of Earth’s Jac Price. He enjoys standing on people in high heels and breathing heavily in people’s faces after eating rotten meat, he wants to destroy all gods because of his motto he’s had since birth: “You can’t spell Evil without Gods.”
The She-Worm - a planet sized space-worm that has a big bow on her head, indicating her gender. She has no problem with the gods, but is just a long for the ride while she waits for her washing to finish.
Codename: FireSad -
Along with Papa, the God Squad have captured and sold at least 100,000 gods and 3 anti-gods. (Anti-gods are just normal people.)
Powers and Abilities[]
Abilities[]
God Tracky - Papa has been exposed to so many gods that he can now smell the nearest one to him. In a 2008 interview at the Oscar’s he described gods smelling like something between shit and bullshit.
Charm Charm Charm - Papa is very confident, to the extent that he can ask a woman to take her bra off in the middle of a busy street... She won’t do it, but he has the ability to ask her.
Relationships[]
Family[]
- Father - Biological Ancestor
- Minister Sinister - Father, deceased
- Priest Beast - Mother, deceased
- *crying and vomiting for 40 minutes* - Brother
- Moo Moo - Wife
- SLAP! - Daughter
- Colin - Son
Allies[]
- Black Sodder
- Withnail Andi
- Pac Drice
- The She-Worm
- Codename: FireSad
- Boss
- Stewe
- Molto Bene
Enemies[]
- Every God Every, even Stewe
- The Flamboyent Pedo
- Paradox Pendulum
- Codename:Bluehead
Equipment[]
(Information needed)
Facilities[]
(Information needed)
Gallery[]
Appearances[]
In chronological order:
Trivia[]
- His favourite food is steak that has been cooked for 3 minutes, 238 seconds and 39472.8 milliseconds. Any more or less, he becomes deathly ill and bedridden for 9 weeks.
- If he wears glasses, he begins crying uncontrollably, his wife theorises it’s because he can more clearly realise the horrible and atrocious acts he’s committed over the years, in actuality it’s because they hurt his eyes.
- He can’t see without glasses.
- His blood type hasn’t been discovered yet.
- He has a deathly fear of his face drawn on coffee tables, he’s never seen it but the mere thought of it makes him deathly ill and bedridden for 9 weeks.
- He’s only truly comfortable in a gimp suit.
- He’s a diehard fan of all 956,479,002 of Breakfast Man’s films, but has only seen 5 of them.
Behind The Scenes[]
- The character was created by: Jac Simpson Price